If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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