I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize