When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
