why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
