i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
