I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He felt like a one man threesome
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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