speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
