I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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