Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
