so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
