i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
