she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
it glows. i had to have it.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
