hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
