im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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