I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
It's Friday. Sex?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
