she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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