if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
