all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize