Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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