Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
