so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
