the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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