Got a toothbrush?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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