you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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