My sheets look like a crime scene.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
