the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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