Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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