I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Boobs speak an international language.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
