we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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