We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
