we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
