U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
