I puked a lego.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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