it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
