just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
