That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
