this beer tastes like vomit already
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
