Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
