Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
