About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
