he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
