the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
