Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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