Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
