Yo dont text me then not text me
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
we're making bets on your personal life
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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