Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
