There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
