Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
