Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
