dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
