Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
