she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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