im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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