toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
