neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
