Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
