new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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