The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
