Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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