mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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