My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
