just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I have fence marks all over my body
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
