I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
