I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
