No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
