so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize