dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
