you guys were way drunker than both of me
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
